Taking in consideration a fact that I tend to stay away from all sorts of gossiping as well as fact that I tend to base my life on parable of bee and fly , I have to admit that many things from my surroundings were un known to me in every way . While having a conversation with a dear friend of mine , that came as a product of worry and grew even bigger afterwards , in short made me realize on how marriages , families and family life in its core are in deep crisis .
I had no idea.
What were the things I found out
.
Adultery became so common and in
same way part of OPEN and NORMAL (socially acceptable )thing . Under pressure
of parents , husband starts treating his wife as a laborer (in his fields ) or
just as a biological CARRIER of HIS children , as a justification for this treatment
husband points Patriarchy and that system of patriarchal values .
A man lives in seemingly
"happy marriage" , appears to be a pitch perfect father , but at the
same time denies existence od wedlock born children , who by the way with all
existing proofs are his . A man who finds out that his matured children are not
biologically his .
With all of this , additionally
families face alcohol problems and promiscuity (single or both sided effect of
spouses ).
Fights and alienation due to
financial and working crisis .
Psychological and physical
violence and abuse , endless war fights in court rooms , public , anywhere ...
There are so many perplexed
stories full of darkness and gloomy that sharing such story in public would be
way too much , for me , how about people who get to read and know .
Unfortunately , I believe
majority encountered similar stories and situations I am talking about here .
Besides the fact that we are
dealing with dark stories of people who by their behaviour are pulling everyone
to abyss of misfortune , we can not forget and diminish impact of this
behaviour on children (who did not deserve or choose it ) leaving life lasting
scars on their souls , harts , minds . There are so many children in this world
who cherish simple parental love and care , there are so many children who are
forced to grow over night , but there are also those who from early childhood
get in touch with parental sin , guided on parental behaviour and example and
that is just a simple recipe for disaster .
Core cell of every society is family - and this is the fact that will never change . If
family is broken , there are no chances for healthy and good society .
Individuals in this case are prevented to progress in a positive way . The
individuals have no opportunity to grow into strong people with a good
character , cause of this lays in great lack of healthy foundation.
Then we are left with ill
mannered , miserable , easy breakable individuals who at certain point of their
life decide to form a family and as result we get bigger circles of darkness,
devastation and misfortune .
Encouraging fact is that
children who came out of broken families tend to grow into a healthy individual
, leaving learned bad patterns of behaviour behind in effort to behave better
then their parents . We are all given opportunity to fight for better , peace ,
happiness , freedom , to tend and run away from chaos of lie , suffering and
lack of love .
We all have chance to try and
build stronger self , despite fact of existing bad foundation.
We all should have choice to
Love and Be Loved . Some of the most prominent characters in our history had
bad and hard upbringing . We should not be determined or subordinated by
misfortunes or wrongs .
As people /human/christians - we
call ourselves upon , we should try to have more love , patience ,
consideration and understanding towards people who in past suffered and are
trying now to find a right path - it takes a great person and supreme amount of
effort to do so !
In addition , we should be
cautious before labeling anyone as , for example "drug addict ".
I read this somewhere :"
not all neglected children will become addicts , BUT all addicts in some point
of their life were neglected children "- this way , or another .
We should not cast first stone
on adulterer , not knowing her motive for such a choice , life story , possible
domestic violence situation(s) .
We have no clue (so who are we to judge ).
On the other hand , I do not
allude that we should justify her actions or choice , instead we should stop
and think bit more before we decide to condemn or reject a person . And so on
and so forth ..
Being calm and taking things
calmly and with prudence is the key to success . Every marriage consists of
fights , small and big , but we should keep in mind that person we fight with
at the same time is the one we love too , and that we decided to become one .
We should try to suffocate rage , furry , pride in fights , because they may
open wounds in our loved one , that may never heal .WE GET MOST HURT BY THE
ONES WE LOVE THE MOST - AS WELL AS VICE VERSA , and we should keep this in our
minds .
Some things that may not be of
importance to us , small, jokes , a "good lesson" or deserved
punishment may make collateral damage on other . This should serve us as a
reminder that we should always be cautious , talk more , and tend to
find solutions immediately as problems happen . There is no pint in prolonging
and run away from "hard words" . SOMETIMES THE HARDEST WORDS CLOSE
THE BIGGEST ABYSSES .Sometimes the hardest thing is to understand the person we
love the most , but at the same time that does not mean we should stop loving
or carrying for them .
All in all , let us be honest ,
sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away in peace compared to forcing
yourself and other to stay and live a lie . This walking away is not a move of
weakness , but manifestation of greater love , where one chose not to be forced
and live a lie , caused by pity and consideration towards ideas of other in
what is wrong and what right .
It is way better to walk away
with pure heart then to stay and put the dirt all over it "following"
some rules and destroying life of self and others . Sincerity is one of
greatest values . If all unhappy people were sincere on time , they would not
end up in situation of magical circle of lie . This domino get dominates their
life , and out of this game , in their opinion , there is not much worth living
for.
REAL LIFE IS FAR AWAY FROM LIE
AND PRETEND . Best way to alienate ourselves from SELF and OTHERS ,is to follow
the game of pretend and lie , and not trying to be ourselves and honest .
We should stick to who and what
we are in order to FIX where necessary . We should confront SELF in order to
confront the WORLD .
First step of repentance is
acceptance , second - managing changes but with Gods merciful help , and as we
walk the path of steps we are closer to peace and happiness .
Let us try to stay away from all
those big and small games , thieves of our attention and time , while REAL life
is passing by us , going away and vanishes behind horizon . A day will come
when we would have to confess the truth in front of others , God and self :
In its core , life is very
simple , but we tend to complicate it . Being scarred of truth that is in us .
Christ himself said :" The
truth will set you free " , so let us pray and move forward - but towards
the TRUTH .
An act of calmness is what I
would ask for. Our deeds and words have consequences . We are held responsible
for everything we think, say and do . Consequence of this responsibility could
be mitigated only by God's mercy , but that does not diminish or erase OUR
RESPONSIBILITY to repent and confess our sin and mistake . Additional pressure
on us should be the knowledge that our acts sometimes may hurt our loved ones
and we will be accountable and fully responsible for that .
"There is nothing hidden
that will not uncover , and nothing secret that would stay un known !" (Mathew 10,6)
Absolutely
nothing !
Family is utmost responsibility
and requires utmost love . A family is a picture of Holy Trinity , and harming
this picture equals sacrilege .
At the end there are many
different , painful life stories on what I personally do not dare to give
pattern solution for a specific situation .
No one should tell you or offer
you that , in the best case scenario someone may just direct you .
The answers you should search
for yourself , because it is your life we are talking about here. That is exact
reason why you should be persistent and courageous . Not in any case a coward
or a liar .
I pray to God almighty , that we
all stay persistent in this path and search for sincerity (and truth) , love
and peace .
Marko Radaković
Translate: Vanja Zivanovic Vilasin, who also said:
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